Todays yesterday

bla bla bla.. blog blog blog.. I know, disappointing.. if it helps you feel better, I'm having a shit ton of good times and unexpected smiles... and for those of you that are unfamiliar with this unit of measurement, this is for you :)

sorry?

Muhahahahaha

I'm going to take my camera with me around tonight, hopefully I come up with something I love :) I miss photography; for so many months I just haven't been in the mood.. the past couple of weeks I've felt that little spark coming back.. finally ;) I have a couple of guesses about what may have changed but I'll save that little tidbit for another day.

fuck diamonds.. this is my best friend 

Nice face Brian

I'm not even going to write anything today.. still love you all though :)

hahaha! Brian!

Wait, what?

Just when I think I've got a good grip on things, I learn something new... Sheesh!

now to make dinner and lay low for the night :)

Catching up

I have officially reached the point where I only do this blog because I committed to doing it for 365 days; it's getting close, today is number 305.

I'm a big fan of Sundays, sleep late, read, catch up on laundry, lots of downtime. Today has been great for reflection; a lot has happened in the last week or so, there's plenty to think about.

:)

Falling behind

I'll never turn down a late night bacon offer 

Missing threads

Yet another great day :)

... yes, I stole your shirt... 

Action & Adventure

6%.... HA!.. 7%

Smack!!

t ynu8jlo9. m

... that's what happens when you dust your keyboard upside down on your lap ...

Today was pretty uneventful, work, home, clean up around the house, laundry... I'm tired and energetic, there is plenty I could do but I'm bored, I want to get into bed but want to get out and play too... it's just one of those days, I guess, I'm going to take another shower and see what happens :)

now all I need is a back massage

300

On days 100 and 200 I looked back over the previous posts and was surprised at how much had happened since the beginning of the blog. Now I find myself on day 300 and while the day-to-day activity seems very mundane and the photos look largely the same, so much has happened and today I am very happy :)

Only 65 days left of the daily Jessness... I wonder if I'll miss it

.. maybe it will change and not end?

The best

I had the most fantastic day off ever today. Stayed cuddled up in bed all day watching tv and napping off and on until 4 then made a tasty dinner and watched more movies. I know, super lazy, but I don't care; it was great :)

:)

Playing catch-up

I haven't been on the ball lately with the blog. Sorry. Today I find myself having to play catch-up again, one day, two entires.

It's been an interesting 4 days, interesting in a good way, distracted, up all night, losing sleep.. haha, that doesn't sound very good, but trust me, it's all good.

:)

Hair twirling

sleepy jess

....

This may have been the longest day ever... I'm going to sleep a lot tomorrow...

the past 48 hours have been full of surprises 

Hm

Emily is a much better guard against butts than Robbie, just saying' I still love you though Robbie :)

I actually don't smoke

Slacker

I've been a day behind with this blog all week so today is the day I have to write two to catch up.. this is #2 :)

I'm excited to say I picked up a new toy and it came in the mail today; I'm willing to bet I own the cheapest DSLR camera lenses EVER, for under $30 I am the proud owner of a tiny, plastic Holga lens :D It fits my camera body nicely and because there aren't layers upon layers of glass or motors in it, it's very light, it probably weighs less than my reading glasses. I can't wait to spend some time playing with it!

I'm thinking it's the only $30 plastic lens I'll ever want... seriously

Books

Just when I thought I was starting to make a dent in the shelf of "to read" books my dad comes with about  40 more books :) About half are for Brian, geeky science books, of course. But the rest are mine (insert evil laughter here): Kodak photography books, a couple by Eckhart Tolle, some Keith Vonnegut, Debbie Ford, Pema Chodron, Dan Wakefield (sounds familiar) and more :) It might be time to update my Goodreads "My Books" shelf.

yo

Empty

Now THAT was tasty

Mmmm... Cupcakes ;)

hehe

"Not cool"

I wish I could ignore that it's 340am... there's no denying it though... I don't really want to use this photo today, but I will anyway... Em, don't kill me, I love you

The most terrible photo EVER... hahaha!!!
Em and I laying on Johns lawn while he talks with Cory about very important things... I'm sure.. :p

Ink

I can hear my mother now, "Oh, Jessie!" haha, she doesn't like that I want another tattoo. I haven't decided on anything and the last time I wanted one it took me more than a year to decide what to get. Maybe I'll get a Whinnie the Pooh? the Can I Haz Cheeseburger kitten? maybe a camera across my face so I'm always taking a photo? Mom, close your mouth, I'm joking ;-)

.. a few random notes..
Wow, Avengers was awesome!! I want to watch it again
as of 10:01pm tonight there have been 8999 views here :)
I'm eating all of the dark chocolate out of my trail mix

good night

Not today

I absolutely refuse to use my webcam to take todays photo.. but I have no motivation to take a photo or write anything with any meaning..

sometime that isn't today

Nothing to say

I love to read. A lot. It hardly seems worth it lately though; I'm so tired I only make it a few pages before I can't see straight anymore and I'm fighting to keep my eyes open :( I'm not just talking about late-night reading, it's 3 in the afternoon right now and even with a fresh cup of coffee in my system it's a struggle to stay awake....

all my photos look the same lately.. I have no energy for anything.. ah well.

whatever

WAIT!

For the past week I've been having a serious craving for time and space. I just need a minute alone (okay so I need a few days) to "come back to center"; no matter how gently I ask or how childishly I demand, Time just refuses to bend to my needs... go figure. It's not really fair (now I sound like my kids, haha), why do I have to squeeze so many things into one day, all the time, for everybody else, but Time can't give me a little extra? break the rules just this once? for lil' ol' me? Not cool Time, not cool at all...

It's frustrating, day after day, to feel like Time is working against me in every moment.. oh and hey, let's not forget Space, that one's a twisted bugger too. I think Time and Space work together chuckling behind the scenes, playing some kind of tag-team against my sanity; I swear they take turns poking me until I freak out.

Seriously, if I have physical space to myself, Time is tapping his toe and looking at his watch reminding me that what's in the oven will burn if I don't take care of it or I only have 7 minutes to get groceries before the kids start coming home.. so much for enjoying space, thanks Time...

Then when I have a couple of hours to do nothing, that jerk Space drops me into a shrinking box, surrounds me with kids that don't know how to resolve their own conflicts or they insist that I hear every variation in pitch that they can produce in the fake flatulence department. Dishes miraculously multiply, for some reason there are 9 socks on the floor with only 4 bare feet and all of a sudden the cat loves me and insists on being really close to my face; is the room getting smaller or is it just me?.. nice job Space, well played...

When Jessness is all done, I'll have a tiny bit more time :)

Random thoughts

~7:56am
I enjoyed having the camera in my hand over the weekend; I have to stop making excuses and start making time. I think I'm going to fill a jar with photography assignments for myself and at least once a week dip into it and get to work :)

~11:16am
Well, I came up with 21 photo "assignments", or suggestions, so far.. Maybe I'll pull one out of the jar today :) ...I wish I could stop the endless stream of thoughts running through my head, it's almost like I need to be engaged in something like a conversation or interesting movie/documentary to still my thoughts but if there's nothing engaging happening the dialogue is so loud and overlapping in my head that I wish I could get away from myself, haha!

~2:40pm
I love Monday :)
I made time to read, take a nap, do some laundry, take care of some legal stuff, pay some bills and check-in here and there with Jessness. While not all of that is exactly fun, I do enjoy being able to get things done without anyone interrupting me every 4 or 5 minutes.

~7:01pm
Hm, my mood went from pretty decent to not-so-much within a matter of hours.. Maybe I need a nap, oh yeah, I already did that today.. Maybe I need ice cream? Eh, I give up.. just for a minute I'm going to marinade in my bitchiness, okay, maybe five minutes. Then I'm going to snap out of it.

~8:43pm
Nope, still haven't snapped out of it :( I'm going to read and eat frozen blueberry greek yogurt on a stick.

oh! I know what will make me feel better!!

Realness

It's a thin veil that separates your false friendship and your genuine self... you're very transparent...

just be real.

What now

There are two sides to every coin. I am a coin.

I had a great time tonight. It has been a long day and I look forward to sleeping away my Sunday.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I feel wrong. I feel lost. Confused. Lonely. I'm not at ease. Not relaxed.

I wish for peace. The ability to just be lost. To look confusion and loneliness in the eye and understand where it comes from.

I welcome emptiness.
This is not where I belong.

there are too many sides to Jess. I can't even figure me out.

Where's the Zen?

Maybe it has something to do with the weather, maybe it's the energy in the air at work getting ready for Cinco de Mayo.. maybe it's both things, but I'm so tired and sore this week, it's quite uncomfortable. Every muscle, tendon and joint is sore but my legs and hands probably are the worst.

Ah well... It looks like I'm not going to get much rest over this kid-free weekend, it's just bad timing I guess.. I was hoping for a very zen weekend, now I'll just have to find zen moments.

well then, SHE looks grouchy

DO I SEEM ANGRY!!?!!

So I'm sitting in my bedroom staring at a blank Blogger screen.. my window is open and I hear someone run something over with their car, it sounded like metal... I just thought I'd write that down for you... well really it's for me, in hopes that just by moving my fingers over the keyboard something at least mildly interesting will pour out and my Blogger screen won't be so blank.

I had a strange, busy, stressful, fun day.

I feel liked I've been getting grumped at a lot via text message.

Am I the only one that feels like their being yelled at when someone writes to them using CAPS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!? It's not just those couple of things, it's the tone of the messages lately that have me raising an eyebrow, wondering if I'm reading these messages how they were intended to be read. I mean I'm 33 years old and not your child, I sure hope you're not really talking to me like that.

Today I came to the conclusion that even though you can be good friends with someone, there are still things that maybe you can't talk about without being secretly annoyed, and hey, let's face it, some people don't do well with being annoyed. It probably could be about anything I suppose, love, money... but a lot of times we might think our own situation sucks and our friend has it easier or better.. After giving it some thought today I think we all have garbage we have to deal with no matter what side of the fence we sit on... as the old saying goes.. the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence.. when in fact both lawns probably suck equally but in different ways..

... well my page isn't blank anymore and I got a couple of things off my chest... sort of... it would be nice if there was someone here to talk to besides myself   :-/ a real conversation, with a human, that replies. But hey, I've been practicing talking to myself for a very. long. time. I'm a pro, I got this.

I'm not angry.. But some people around me seem to be..
it's hard to ignore.. I can't wait for this weekend.. I need space..

:(

I don't know what's up with me today, I'm so tired, stiff and sore I don't want to do anything.

I got a call from the bus company this afternoon; it seems that Curtis just can't behave himself for the ride, so tomorrow I get to cart him back and forth to school. Yay.

I need a hand massage.

a hand massage and... .well, I don't know really

Boring

For such a long day, you'd think I would have a lot to say... I don't think that I do though...

I had a nice, busy day at work. Had bacon for lunch (I blame Cory, haha! tomorrow I'm casting my vote for Thai food). Took the boys and went for a visit with Mom and Sabrina; Curtis was a bit of a pain in the backside, but overall it was a good visit. I spent enough time cooking at work today so we ate a yummy frozen pizza for dinner. Then after giving angry birds some serious attention I left to visit with one of my fantastic friends this evening. I came home to find Mom sleeping downstairs so that explains why the photo was taken in my bed. Hey, why not right? blog then sleep :) or maybe blog, angry birds space then sleep.. or maybe I'll just make some bacon... no, maybe not ;)

yeah, I look tired.. maybe I'll skip the angry birds